cough car card.

I'm not gonna lie...I've been avoiding my blog like the plague. Immediately after returning to the States from Honduras, I needed to process my trip. As soon I as I was finally ready to share my story, I completely ran out of time. I still don't have time to go through the entire week and immerse myself in the stories I want to remember forever. I wrote everything while I was there, so hopefully that'll be enough for the rest of my life. Cause bloggin' just ain't happenin'.

I've also been sick literally all week. I've missed some class, been coughing my head off, and just generally feel awful. Yesterday, a tire blew on my car. Yesterday, Piper tried to eat my debit card.

Despite all of these small things, this week hasn't been horrible. My sister had a great interview for a nursing job in Huntsville, we've made huge decisions and plans about her bachelorette weekend, and she is getting closer to her big day(s) this summer. I am so beyond happy for her!

All right. Softball game. Hopefully Wal-Mart. And sleeeeeep.

happy place.

One week from today, I will be worshiping our Father in my happy place. My dear friend reminded me of this just now. I am so grateful for her adventurous and loving spirit; she is constantly keeping me in check. She is just as excited about me going to Honduras as I am, and that means so so much. I think that lately, because I'm helping lead the team to Honduras, that I've gotten bogged down in the logistics and planning and worrying...and I've lost sight of some of the beautiful aspects of the trip. How could I have let that happen? Dear Krista, thank you for re-focusing my attention.

Nan and Becca came to visit this weekend, and it was wonderful to see (part of) my family. I didn't realize how deeply I missed them until they pulled out of my driveway today. Piper has been sitting at the window all day, expecting them to return. Poor puppy.

Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm pms-ing (sorry). Maybe I'm just emotional. But it seems like my life plan changes everyday. My opinions, my perspectives, my dreams...they all constantly change. Some days, I want to go to graduate school, sometimes Auburn and sometimes UT Knoxville. Some days, I just want to graduate and be done with school forever. Sometimes, I want to get married now. No more waiting. Sometimes, the fact that I even think about having a boy roommate for the rest of my life makes me want to run until my legs fall off. Occasionally, I want to live for at least a year in Honduras. Or Spain. Or anywhere different, really. But I freak out about leaving Piper for a week for Honduras or four for Madrid!

I want to be proud of my life. I want to be proud of everything I do and every accomplishment under my belt. But I think it's more important for God to be proud of those things. I think He's making my mind change. He's trying to show me that He is in control, that He has a plan, and that ultimately nothing I want or desire matters. I know these things, but I lose them sometimes. They get lost up in my head and float around, waiting to take anchor when God decides I need some reminding.

On a happier note, I AM GOING TO STUDY ABROAD IN SPAIN THIS SUMMER! It's for 4 weeks, as I mentioned earlier, and it's in Madrid. I get to stay with a family and take small trips and maybe some big, European trips too. I've hesitated about studying abroad because...the people in my classes couldn't tell me anything substantial about their study abroad experiences. Hellur! You spent a semester in Spain! And all you can talk about is how you went out every night and how much money your parents had to send you to pay your tab?! (Disclaimer: I'm not trying to come across as judgmental...just disappointed as a Spanish major.)

Rant complete. Needless to say, I have been concerned about which American will be my roommate and who I will be friends with when everyone else is not-so-sober. God. Provided. BIG TIME. Through some wonderful old friendships, I met some incredibly godly girls going to Madrid. My future roommate told me she knows God has big plans for us this summer. Lord, thank you for making EVERYTHING a project to further your Kingdom!

pining.

Yesterday, this is how we spent our afternoon:

Piper ran from front window to back door, whining at the boy dogs that live across the street. They were free, she was not. So she pouted.

She was pitiful. And precious. And I fell in love with that puppy all over again. She let me pet her and love on her and she gave me so many besas. Today, of course, is a slightly different story. The little Houdini escaped from the house this morning and scared me half to death. I had to chase her down and get a boy to help me catch her. It shook me up pretty badly, but she is okay. She's also on lock-down, but sometimes puppies need that to learn lessons.

peace.

I wanted to squeeze in a quick post before I leave for class today.

Thankfully, I'm feeling peaceful today. The earlier parts of this week have been filled with new strength in many of my friendships, but it has also been tarnished with those moments that make me lose faith in humanity. I was so discouraged Tuesday because of people I thought were my friends. Malicious comments and "sarcasm" (which really is just mean. We are all guilty of it. But good grief it wears a person down after a while!) pierced my heart, and I lost it. Yesterday I chose to ignore it and delve into my classes, volleyball, and the people that make me laugh but those feelings came back at me with a vengeance...because of someone I thought was a close friend. What are we doing to each other? What is the point? So that people think you are funny? We are willing to hurt the people closest to us just so everyone on Facebook will think we are funny. Good plan. I can't imagine that's what God's plan for His people is.

I've been praying a lot in the past few days and running until I literally cannot feel my legs. Today I'm okay. Today I'm distancing myself and focusing on other people. Today I'm thinking about this:

Psalm 34:15, 17-18
"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry."
"The righteous cry and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Lord, I am crying out to You, praying that You keep me pure and righteous today when I am so frustrated with people. Help me to remember I am Yours and that I show others Your love.

things I love: weekend edition

taking Piper on a loooooong walk.
meeting the elderly couple who walks every afternoon just to meet the dogs and give them treats.
watching Piper watch birds.
babysitting Leah and Sara.
watching little Sara dance like a rockstar.
seeing Reed make small children giggle and cry when he leaves.
getting paid.
monster muffins.
70 degree weather in January.
Town Creek park with Reed and Piper.
watching Piper and Kingston be friends.
CiCi's.
surprise birthday parties.
taking pictures.
spur of the moment road trips to the Gump for some KK.
the seven-fold amen in "The Lord Bless You and Keep You."
Sundays.

today.

Today is going to be more than yesterday. Yesterday began as a mountain-top experience and quickly morphed into to rolling down the mountain uncontrollably, gaining speed and hitting every large boulder on the way down with no one to help and no one to stop me. It didn't get better until I reached the bottom and caught my breath. I'm fine; I'm a little broken, a little bruised, but whole. And wholly faithful that God will show me something wonderful today. That's why today will be more than yesterday- I have a Savior, and He is Good.

a break from cleaning.

I'm back in Auburn, and my space is a WRECK. I tried to get everything straight today because classes begin tomorrow, but I think I've lost all functionality in regards to organization. I have so many things that I do NOT know what to do with! I am hesitant to get rid of things because I know that I will need them or use them sometime in the near future, when these college days are over. So here they sit. Waiting to be loved.

Class. Tomorrow. Ready? Not particularly. I enjoy the start to new semesters because everything is new and fresh. New professors, new classmates, new books, new knowledge. At the beginning of the semester, I am always reminded of how blessed I am to not only attend an excellent university, but what a blessing it is just to further my education in general.

This morning in worship, Jim (our campus minister) spoke about Genesis 1. When I heard the title, I wanted to tune out...Genesis 1? Really? How many times have we studied creation?! How many more things can we learn about it?! Needless to say, I was humbled greatly this morning, as I usually am. (When did I become such a proud person?) Jim didn't necessarily discuss creation, but he focused more on God being the main character of the story. It's not about a debate or science or knowing all the answers; it's all about having faith. He told us that "It always takes faith to accept Genesis." I have NEVER thought of that before. I guess deep down I knew that faith had to play a major part in reading the book, but I always just took it as truth because...that's what I had been taught my entire life. Spoonfed Christianity. Hello, slap-in-the-face. I've heard this before and have been working on it off and on since the summer, but I still don't feel that I always have my own faith. I believed Genesis because someone told me to. Jim says "our problem isn't lack of resources, it's lack of humility and faith," two things I need a heavy dose of.

"A god so small that I can understand is not a god big enough to worship."