el orgullo.

I woke up this morning in a strange stupor. My mind was absolutely, to-the-brim, full. I lay there for a moment before finally deciding what was happening. I pieced together Sunday's sermon + the book I [finally] started reading Monday + my life.

Sunday's sermon: "At the root of our skepticism is our pride." Whether regarding Christianity or the guarantee behind a product in an infomercial or the story of a friend, we are all immediately skeptical. Aren't we? If our skepticism is rooted in pride, then our skepticism is a defense mechanism, protecting us from ignorance, being made fun of, insert-fear-here.

The Divine Conspiracy: "In His [Jesus] case, quite frankly, presumed familiarity has led to unfamiliarity, unfamiliarity has led to contempt, and contempt has led to profound ignorance." This is literally the opening line of the introduction to this book! I didn't even make it through the introduction before I had to stop and re-read everything. [Part of that is due to the fact that Jim is the one who selected this book for me, and I thought about him while fighting through each paragraph.] I think that "presumed familiarity" is tangible pride. If a non-Christian or newer Christian comes to us with questions about Jesus or about our more "seasoned" relationship with Him, don't we try to assure them that we have a strong relationship with Christ? Why would we want to let someone think we didn't? Pride. Pride! Pride causes us to be contemptuous of our Lord, and ultimately to be completely ignorant of Him. [Side note: a synonym for "contempt" is "scorn."]

My life: I have been and am being incredibly selfish. I feel that I should be more important, have more focus on me and my doings, and in turn I'm neglecting those that need attention and need encouragement. I let people think I'm okay with my relationship with God, because that's what they expect from me. I was an intern, a small group leader, etc. But the truth is that leaving the ACSC is harder than it seems. In one of his Secret Church sessions, David Platt lists assurances of salvation that aren't really assurances at all [which I guess is his point...we keep a checklist of Christian things we do, but if our intentions aren't right then none of it matters]. Just because you're involved in ministry doesn't mean you're a good Christian. It doesn't mean you have a more direct line to God or that your relationship with Him is better than everyone else's. It's time for me to let go of my pride and stop worrying about others' conception of my relationship with Christ.

I'm going to have to chew on this a little more. I didn't type this because I want someone to think I'm better for admitting my pride and for starting to work on improving things. Obviously, I'm not a writer. I'm not good at collecting my thoughts and spitting them back out in an educated fashion. If anything, I typed this because I didn't want to physically write it all out, and because I can come back and add to it or take away from it very easily. [My bad, I'm lazy today. Aaaaand I might be late for work...]

If you have time today, pray for my friend Krista and her little friends in Africa that she's working with. Pray for the Brinkerhoff family, the future of the ACSC, and all of the students there now. And, pray that we can all be stronger in putting aside our pride.

six months with the mister.

We made it. We're here at the half year mark. Some days were fabulously wonderful. Some days we wanted to rub the other one's eyes with jalapeno juice. Some days we were best friends, and some days we didn't speak if it wasn't necessary. I've learned that Reed is in fact the pack leader, and that Piper will listen to him always. I've learned that living with a boy involves cleaning things more often, but it also involves having steak on a stick (fork) for dinner. I've learned through numerous open letters via the internet that half of the world thinks we were too young to be married, while the other half probably thinks we were too old. I've learned how important it is to carefully study our marriage and constantly work at improving it, and not to compare ours to other marriages by which we are surrounded. I've learned that sometimes God throws you into a situation where the only tangible person you can rely on is your husband, and that is a life lesson in itself. Through the lack of a full time job, the frustrations of a small apartment, the frustrations of living far from our friends and families in Auburn and everywhere else, and the normal frustrations of life, we've made it. It's messy, but it's wonderful.